Recently we foster-parented a Lab, that classic, coastal, galumphing bundle of life-enjoying fur that can be counted on to slobber freely, investigate the house and all its waste-baskets, drink from the toilet, track in mud, etc. Only what came home was a…a…a greyhound?? Maybe with a soupcon of lab or, gulp, pit bull? (Full breed greyhounds are the chicken-heads of the dog realm, having much body vs head size—but this sweet girl has a modest wedge head.) I looked up “greyhound” on the computer and was struck heartily by this:
“Be honest...is there tension in your home? Are people loud or angry or emotional? Are there arguments or fights? Greyhounds are extremely sensitive to stress and can end up literally sick to their stomachs, with severe digestive upsets and neurotic behaviors, if the people in their home are having family problems. Greyhounds are peaceful, sensitive dogs who need a peaceful, harmonious home.” –yourpurebredpuppy.com
Wow, thought I. And what about our children?? What about when WE were children? Then I thought about the range of children: some, more like pit-bulls, some in the Lab family—yet many, oh so very sensitive, filled with extra miles of nerve filaments; lovely, dear little people who pick up on EVERY morsel of tension and undercurrent of stress in the home—not because they want to, but because that, my friend, is how they are wired. (Were you one of them?)
Loving parents who happen to be in a tortured relationship surely find it so painful to realize the impact of in-house tension on their children! Who would ever give birth to a child with a wish to harm that little person? Who gets married hoping to fight? Okay, I’ve been around the block long enough to know that there are some people for whom a child is merely an object, easy to abuse, and anger is the only way to relate. So, okay, there is that percentage—but they are extremely unlikely to read this website or give these issues a thought.
But you who are reading this are not like that: you care. I wonder if you suffer from anxiety because you grew up in a high-stress household, and you have always been sensitive? Maybe even persecuted for it: stop being so sensitive!! It’s hard to reconnect with appreciation for the beauty of one’s own sensitivity, if you have been shamed for it. Also, I wonder if you struggle to create a healthy environment for children while you, yourself, have health issues / addictions / conflicts with your mate? And what if you were also shamed for being super-sensitive, when you were a precious, powerless little child?
Anxiety arises out of the cross-fire between what is happening and what we wish were happening; what we don’t say and what we wish we could say; feeling helpless, voiceless and impotent in spite of our best efforts; feeling impoverished, on so many levels, while longing to secure a base. Perhaps you have a child and desperately want to gift him or her with a sense of the abundant potential and beauty of life, while feeling pretty dire and thread-bare yourself. How stressful!
Fortunately, we are amazing beings. We can learn to use our voices to advocate for ourselves. We can awaken to appreciation for our own nature and s-l-o-w-l-y reconnect inside, choosing self-respect over self-hate. Even writing that line seems cringe-worthy to me because I know, I know, the long, arduous work that goes into disempowering the anxiety-creating voices of self-doubt and shame in order to create a solid base within! It’s not at all simple or easy, but it is fundamental to reducing anxiety.
Yet…we will always be greyhounds. All the work in the world—psychotherapy, visualizations, activities, body cues, even light-weight medication—won’t change the basic wiring, the sensitivity. And… why ever would we want that to change?? Sensitivity is a gift, and our loved ones benefit. The world benefits when we use our sensitivity skillfully. Injustices can be addressed, negotiations carefully handled, when people are comfortable with their sensitivity.
The most important place to appreciate our sensitivity is within. Otherwise we may be nervy, neurotic, hyper-reactive and prone to hearing everything as criticism. And that’s a painful place to be. It hurts us, and it hurts important people in our lives. So ask yourself, how far back in my life go the threads of my anxiety? Is it really, solely, about the toxic person in my workplace? Did it just start when I brought home that total loser who is drinking the rent money and mean to the cat? (Why do I think I should be with that person??)
Do I feel voiceless? Powerless (in the “empowered” sense)? What shame-load am I toting? Is it okay to be me? I know, I know: sometimes a little crazy, or a lot; sometimes thinking horrible thoughts, blah blah blah…. But do I accept that I have a couple of extra miles of wiring within me (the human nervous system has “over 45 miles of nerves” -Wikipedia)? And while that can be my downfall—it’s also my Super Power?
Let’s cartoonize the situation. Anyone with Super Powers has a Mission, right? Our Mission is to learn how to handle our Super Powers so we can serve the Forces of Good. That would be in our own ecosystems (body, mind, emotions, spirit), with our family and friends, at work and in the big, fat macro. If the greyhound symbol wasn’t already taken, we could use that. But maybe a nerve-ending could by stylized (they’re pretty weird looking) onto a cape. Or T-shirt.
Shine the light within (for me, that used to be a wee candle in a great, dark cavern) and seek to recognize the inhabitants of your sensitivities. What healthy beauties step forward, longing to be heard? The kind impulse, the understanding, the piercing insight, the loving child who has been neglected for too long, the archetypal Mother in you? (No, not the devouring one, or the mean one: the Nourishing, Life-Giving one!)
If a big life change is called for, because you realize that you are crimped into a tiny space in which you cannot exercise your Super Powers—know that greyhounds are very fast. Once you commit to getting yourself elsewhere—metaphorically or in real time—you have it in you to succeed. Seek a therapist, use Anxiety Soothers—do whatever it takes to solidify a loving base within yourself. And accept that you may continue to tilt toward anxiety, because that is part of a sensitive person’s wiring. It’s part of the deal, and it can be a beautiful part!
“Be honest...is there tension in your home? Are people loud or angry or emotional? Are there arguments or fights? Greyhounds are extremely sensitive to stress and can end up literally sick to their stomachs, with severe digestive upsets and neurotic behaviors, if the people in their home are having family problems. Greyhounds are peaceful, sensitive dogs who need a peaceful, harmonious home.” –yourpurebredpuppy.com
Wow, thought I. And what about our children?? What about when WE were children? Then I thought about the range of children: some, more like pit-bulls, some in the Lab family—yet many, oh so very sensitive, filled with extra miles of nerve filaments; lovely, dear little people who pick up on EVERY morsel of tension and undercurrent of stress in the home—not because they want to, but because that, my friend, is how they are wired. (Were you one of them?)
Loving parents who happen to be in a tortured relationship surely find it so painful to realize the impact of in-house tension on their children! Who would ever give birth to a child with a wish to harm that little person? Who gets married hoping to fight? Okay, I’ve been around the block long enough to know that there are some people for whom a child is merely an object, easy to abuse, and anger is the only way to relate. So, okay, there is that percentage—but they are extremely unlikely to read this website or give these issues a thought.
But you who are reading this are not like that: you care. I wonder if you suffer from anxiety because you grew up in a high-stress household, and you have always been sensitive? Maybe even persecuted for it: stop being so sensitive!! It’s hard to reconnect with appreciation for the beauty of one’s own sensitivity, if you have been shamed for it. Also, I wonder if you struggle to create a healthy environment for children while you, yourself, have health issues / addictions / conflicts with your mate? And what if you were also shamed for being super-sensitive, when you were a precious, powerless little child?
Anxiety arises out of the cross-fire between what is happening and what we wish were happening; what we don’t say and what we wish we could say; feeling helpless, voiceless and impotent in spite of our best efforts; feeling impoverished, on so many levels, while longing to secure a base. Perhaps you have a child and desperately want to gift him or her with a sense of the abundant potential and beauty of life, while feeling pretty dire and thread-bare yourself. How stressful!
Fortunately, we are amazing beings. We can learn to use our voices to advocate for ourselves. We can awaken to appreciation for our own nature and s-l-o-w-l-y reconnect inside, choosing self-respect over self-hate. Even writing that line seems cringe-worthy to me because I know, I know, the long, arduous work that goes into disempowering the anxiety-creating voices of self-doubt and shame in order to create a solid base within! It’s not at all simple or easy, but it is fundamental to reducing anxiety.
Yet…we will always be greyhounds. All the work in the world—psychotherapy, visualizations, activities, body cues, even light-weight medication—won’t change the basic wiring, the sensitivity. And… why ever would we want that to change?? Sensitivity is a gift, and our loved ones benefit. The world benefits when we use our sensitivity skillfully. Injustices can be addressed, negotiations carefully handled, when people are comfortable with their sensitivity.
The most important place to appreciate our sensitivity is within. Otherwise we may be nervy, neurotic, hyper-reactive and prone to hearing everything as criticism. And that’s a painful place to be. It hurts us, and it hurts important people in our lives. So ask yourself, how far back in my life go the threads of my anxiety? Is it really, solely, about the toxic person in my workplace? Did it just start when I brought home that total loser who is drinking the rent money and mean to the cat? (Why do I think I should be with that person??)
Do I feel voiceless? Powerless (in the “empowered” sense)? What shame-load am I toting? Is it okay to be me? I know, I know: sometimes a little crazy, or a lot; sometimes thinking horrible thoughts, blah blah blah…. But do I accept that I have a couple of extra miles of wiring within me (the human nervous system has “over 45 miles of nerves” -Wikipedia)? And while that can be my downfall—it’s also my Super Power?
Let’s cartoonize the situation. Anyone with Super Powers has a Mission, right? Our Mission is to learn how to handle our Super Powers so we can serve the Forces of Good. That would be in our own ecosystems (body, mind, emotions, spirit), with our family and friends, at work and in the big, fat macro. If the greyhound symbol wasn’t already taken, we could use that. But maybe a nerve-ending could by stylized (they’re pretty weird looking) onto a cape. Or T-shirt.
Shine the light within (for me, that used to be a wee candle in a great, dark cavern) and seek to recognize the inhabitants of your sensitivities. What healthy beauties step forward, longing to be heard? The kind impulse, the understanding, the piercing insight, the loving child who has been neglected for too long, the archetypal Mother in you? (No, not the devouring one, or the mean one: the Nourishing, Life-Giving one!)
If a big life change is called for, because you realize that you are crimped into a tiny space in which you cannot exercise your Super Powers—know that greyhounds are very fast. Once you commit to getting yourself elsewhere—metaphorically or in real time—you have it in you to succeed. Seek a therapist, use Anxiety Soothers—do whatever it takes to solidify a loving base within yourself. And accept that you may continue to tilt toward anxiety, because that is part of a sensitive person’s wiring. It’s part of the deal, and it can be a beautiful part!
*footnote on addictions: a lot of supersensitive people fall into that trap in an attempt to anesthetize pain that enters their lives due to their sensitivity. Addictions are numbing. Unfortunately, over time the brain becomes “rewired” by substance abuse, creating a hard trap to exit.
*footnote on childhood: sometimes sensitive children get punished for acting-out, when they are just being tension barometers and don’t have the frontal-lobe development to verbalize or understand their own distress. They become distressing and part of the tension load: therapy helps. I’m biased, but beating the child or beating oneself or taking a mud-bath in shame or making it be all about the child, or all about oneself, doesn’t work. Mostly, child stuff is nature-nurture: your child’s wiring plus the stress load, and the parenting skills, within the family. Family includes (blood or non-blood) grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc because it surely takes at least a village to consciously raise a child.
*footnote on childhood: sometimes sensitive children get punished for acting-out, when they are just being tension barometers and don’t have the frontal-lobe development to verbalize or understand their own distress. They become distressing and part of the tension load: therapy helps. I’m biased, but beating the child or beating oneself or taking a mud-bath in shame or making it be all about the child, or all about oneself, doesn’t work. Mostly, child stuff is nature-nurture: your child’s wiring plus the stress load, and the parenting skills, within the family. Family includes (blood or non-blood) grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc because it surely takes at least a village to consciously raise a child.
