Blog Posts

Anxiety in the Body

2/29/2016

Here is a drawing of the body with information about how different parts of it may experience anxiety. The caveat is, of course, that some symptoms may indicate a medical condition and so we must not ignore symptoms (“Oh, this is just me being anxious!”) without consulting a physician. On the other hand, once we have consulted a physician and been told, “You are fine!”, it can be immensely comforting to use the phrase, “this is just me being anxious.” After all, these are common symptoms. Although the misery of anxiety feels isolating, we are sharing a common experience with so many other people. Behind a composed façade, you never know who around you is suffering in the same way.

Why not print out this drawing? You can circle the words that apply to your experience of anxiety, and color in the corresponding places. Tangibly interacting with this drawing helps develop a sense of ‘ownership’ of your experience, as opposed to denial and flight. Truth is both comforting and a good starting point in the journey toward soothing anxiety. “I have anxiety, and this is where I feel it in my body and how I experience it in my head.” No big deal: just a statement of fact.

We get really squirrely when anxiety combines with being afraid of anxiety. That boosts the cortisol cascade (ewww!) in the body, creating a double wallop. Plus, we can’t really run away from Self, right? Well, we can….alcohol, drugs, food, self injury… but none of that addresses anxiety in a sustainable way. Accept and forgive yourself for having a naturally vulnerable ecosystem, and get to work developing emotional muscle via practicing with visualizations, activities and body cues.

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The Value of Floors

2/9/2016

My favorite thing about the floor is that I cannot fall off of it. Isn’t that great? Anyone: if a major grief sweeps through you, go for the floor. Then you can roll around, flail, tear at your clothing and sob great gulping wet tears, and you are still safe! Yes, in a movie you will see actresses prettily fling themselves onto a bed to have a good howl—but they are acting. Real grief is best done on the floor. This is just an opinion, and we all have our own, but check it out.

A floor can be quite nice for extreme anxiety, too. There you lie, mouth dry, chest pounding, fingers clinched, and you are receiving the most reliable support you can get. Sure, it is hard on the bones and you might want to drag a pillow and a blanket down there with you. But you are supported. You don’t have to worry about falling, and that—along with loud noises—is a fear present from infancy. So enjoy the floor and check out what else is around. Is there a cat padding over, interested in curling up on your head? Are you about to receive a big, sloppy kiss from your dog? Animals get interested when we are down on the floor.

Floors help us get grounded. It’s a good place to be while you tell yourself what feels like the truth. “I’m freaking out! I’m scared! This anxiety is killing me!” Oh, that’s not the truth? Harrumph! Actually that’s just the Anxiety Narrative: what it feels like, versus what is actually happening. You are not actually dying from anxiety right now. (*See last paragraph.) Breathe. Pucker your lips as if you are blowing through a narrow straw as you exhale, nice and slow. It probably does not yet feel “nice”, but keep doing it.

Now tell yourself the ‘real’ truth. Example: “I’m overwhelmed; I don’t think I can keep caring for mother while I’m working and raising two small children; I need to get help! My body is telling me that this is too much: I need help.” Whatever the problem, that last sentence is key. “My body is telling me that I need help. It is registering my distress. I’m going to rest here for a bit, and then I’m going to call the Crisis Hotline //my brother //a friend //my minister //a therapist—and I’m going to ask for help. I’m going to listen to what my body is telling me!”

Consider your dear Body. It works for you all the time, doing its best in spite of being ignored and put through the mill. And how can it communicate with you, other than through sensation? That’s why getting grounded involves returning to the senses: sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch. So you are on the floor. Feel it against your back? What color is the ceiling? How many cobwebs in the corners? Turn your head and count colors. How many do you see? What is the predominant aroma? Wet dog? Old beer? Baby powder? Just observe all this without judging it: relax into taking in your surroundings. If you are seeing a lot of grubbiness, welcome to the crowd. It’s hard to keep up with housekeeping when you are stressed, unless your anxiety expresses itself in obsessive cleaning. If you aren’t seeing much color, what about that? Do you have a favorite color? How about sprinkling it around?

Have you been able to nest in your current space? It doesn’t require a big budget—just attention to what you enjoy. For me color is important; it really lifts me up or drops me down. Also shapes: I love breaking up the boxiness of rooms by adding rounded shapes. Ahh! But scent is apparently our most primal sense—and unless you live above a skunk sanctuary, it is pretty easy to address. Go to a health food store and sniff the essential oils til you find what you really like, and then use that scent in your space. I know, so many of us are sharing space and hemmed in by life events. Yet small moments of pleasure, even joy, may press the reset button within and soothe the anxious system.

*Health Caveat: I trust that you have had a physical: that is part of taking care of your body. Even appalling health care plans generally cover preventive care for free, so take the time to rule-out physical issues. This is especially important because panic attacks can feel like heart attacks. Here is a rule of thumb, affirmed by three doctors: if you can gallop up a flight of stairs, it is unlikely to be a heart event. During an actual heart event, moving the muscles calls for oxygen that the troubled heart is not able to supply. So vigorous movement causes symptoms to immediately amplify, with uber discomfort and difficulty breathing. I can’t tell you how many times I have galloped up a flight of stairs and then patted my chest with relief: Ahh!

Emotional Fluidity, 2016

1/19/2016

We’ve started a fresh year—yay! The world, of course, is in turmoil, AND is simply glorious: divinely organized and effervescing with cooperation, courage and compassion. (You doubt? I could give you a thousand examples! Look at the symmetry of a leaf, the organized and complex functions within your own cellular structure, the rhythm of the tides, the precise flying formation of geese…it goes on and on. But don't look for that in the news.)

Since we are a wee part of this much greater whole, our care of our own selves contributes to the health of the planet and all involved—much as each of your well-functioning cells contributes to the wellness of your entire being. So how about a New Year’s inventory of emotional wellness? (Just imagine living in an emotionally HEALTHY world. Wow! Oh, the beauty…).

What does emotional wellness look like to you? Would it allow you to flow with your emotions, even when you don’t like them? Would you be confidant that you can work with whatever arises within you? Would you feel nourished by enjoyable emotions and learn valuable lessons from the harsh and painful ones? What if it meant accepting all your feelings, as in Rumi’s poem, The Guesthouse? (see below.)

Emotions and feelings are information. They are the very stuff of life, supplying richness and texture to our moments. However, emotional reactions are not necessarily “cues” to take immediate action. If they were, you would not hesitate to, say, lop the head off your ex or run screaming out of your car in a busy intersection (though I’m surprised this doesn’t happen more often). Our beautiful frontal lobes—the abundant rumpled terrain of the more recently developed part of the brain that is wrapped over and around the reactive mid-brain and the instinctual reptilian brain—is in exquisite use when it gallops after a rush of emotion (bodily felt) to interpret and assess. But bringing the frontal lobes into the picture requires a momentary pause, because they trail after triggered emotions.

Pause to figure out how you want to handle your emotional reactivity. You might take the ‘macro’ view and realize: “I don’t want my behavior to be dictated by someone else’s dopiness! I’ve got a choice here—and I’m walking away.” This kind of reaction, which is appropriate more often than we think, allows us to flow around obstacles and over bumpy terrain. It eases us out of anxiety provoking situations so we don’t fester over them and fuel emotional insecurity. Let it go and let it flow. It’s a relief to realize that in our frontal lobes, we have assistance. But the saga is that rarely are we taught HOW to use this skill—how to work with engulfing emotion. And that’s a blog for another day.

Meanwhile, think in terms of emotional tai ch’i—emotional fluidity. Anxiety is so clinchy! The only flowing going on is of icky cortisol related neurochemicals in the bloodstream, which get triggered again and again by the extremism of thoughts. We become stuck in a neurochemical bath that feels horrible and seems dangerous—so it is self-reinforcing and hard to shut down. For example, what about if you think they hate me! What if then a calmer voice spoke up within and asked, Really? That’s a pretty strong emotion. Am I so important to them that I am worthy of their hate? Do they really know me, at all? What if the nasty look I just received was because that person has indigestion? Hah! Good point. So much is really “not about me!” Emotional fluidity opens a path out of the clinch of anxiety (whew).

The Guesthouse

This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
~Rumi

2016 Anxiety Reducing Tips

1/4/2016

First, tell your self the truth: “I’m anxious! I don’t like how this feels!” Now you are free from ‘denial’ compounding the problem.

Consciously accept it. “I accept this anxiety. I don’t like it, but I accept it.” This ‘busts’ the danger of unconsciously fighting against the truth—always a losing proposition!

If a friend is nearby, ask for a 20 second hug in order to generate a wallop of endorphins and oxytocin (bonding neurochemicals). This may not solve the problem, but will give you assurance and a mini-break, especially if you let yourself relax and breath into the hug. (No huggy people in your life? Stroke your own forehead, speak soothing words to yourself, stroke your body—and think about how to be a friend, so that you attract friends.)

Ask yourself, “what is the problem?” Anxiety is a naturally occurring phenomenon and we certainly live in an anxiety provoking world (that is also beautiful and unexpectedly generous…). However your amped-up anxiety is likely to be personal: a reaction to a series of events, or one big event looming, or escalating put-downs in your interior narrative.

To that end: scan the events of the last day-week-month-year and make a list of that which yields an anxiety buzz. Include obvious stuff, such as a biopsy or break-up, but also the more subtle stuff such as the anniversary of a death (be it of a person, a pet, a dream, a job…). Being able to ‘place’ anxiety—relate it to things—debunks its stature as a mysterious random event.

Also, listen to your interior voice. Make a list of the things you are saying to yourself: “OMG! I’m such a loser! Wimp! People think…..!” Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the interior voice was soothing and supportive? That’s life-changing! But the narrative can’t change until a person realizes that they are being cruel, inside, beyond anything I hope they would accept hearing from another person—and also, that the cruel words are wildly exaggerated and manifestly untrue!

Change your environment: get out of anxiety generating surroundings (at work, sitting with a relative in hospital, etc) even if it is only possible to take a ten-minute break. Assume the “Wonder Woman” or “Super Man” stance for two minutes (somewhere private if you don’t want to generate wild speculation) and let a sense of power rise in your animal self—your body—to antidote anxiety.

Are you feeling out of control? DO something for YOU that is “in your control”, such as hot bath, cool shower, exercise, clean out silverware drawer, short-term lists (so it doesn’t add to a sense of overwhelm). And work on accepting that so much is out of your control and, ultimately, not about you.

Use nature, music, texture, scents, movement (or stillness if you have been moving too fast). Use that vast resource, imagery and imagination, to create greater bandwidth to your experiences of inner-peace.

Read or watch humorists. When I am anxious, my reading and what I expose myself to via media changes radically to funny, gentle material—and I might even reread or rewatch old favorites in order to soothe myself and reduce my stress load. Look under Resources (on this website) for ideas, and please send me yours.

There is so much more to add to this list—future expressions and explorations, right? I am wishing you a loving, lovely 2016!

Good Things Journal

12/1/2015

Here is something you can do for yourself this holiday season, and share generously with your friends:

The Good Things Journal is a tangible, concrete way to repair self-esteem, learn more about yourself, and actively engage in self-care. The ‘hands on’ nature of it circumvents over-thinking and over-analyzing and draws material into the body via the senses (pleasure in colors, etc.) so that a depth of experience is possible. It’s creative, but not in a scary ‘I-Must-Make-This-Perfect-Or-I-Am-Unworthy’ way. It’s creative in the way that we all simply are, no matter what your Art teacher said. This is for you, in every way.

Suggested basic materials: 3 ring notebook and a box of page-size,
clear sheet-protectors (cheap at Staples).

Into these sheet-protectors, slide items that are healthy, healing, fun, funny, wise, pleasing, to you. For example: photos of people, animals, places that you love; inspirational quotes, cards from loved ones, cards you have bought yourself because they are so beautiful (don’t forget to write yourself a love note in the card!); compliments people have given you, compliments to yourself (oh, I like how I said/ did/ handled that!), encouraging letters you write to yourself, cartoons that tickle you, lists that remind you of how to physically and emotionally take care of yourself (what feels good to you when you are sick?); lists of people you admire and/or love, favorite music and movies, treasures found in nature such as feathers and leaves, etc. In other words, fill your Good Things Journal with things that feel good! Then it becomes a “Go-To” resource for hard times. (And you can continue to add to it for the rest of your life.)

Good Things Journals can come in all shapes and sizes - here are some examples of what they can look like!

The Personal Trampoline

11/23/2015

Imagine vigorously jumping on one of those small ‘personal’ trampolines. Maybe you’ve actually done that, right? Whether or not you’ve done it, you probably would agree that you want the membrane to be STRONG. You don’t want to get a good bounce going and hear (uh-oh!) a ripping noise. The membrane of my imagined trampoline is “emotional resilience”, fondly known to me as Emotional Muscularity. Sturdiness is required: it needs to be thick and strong so it can take the immense weight of a vigorous pounding. It needs to hold when I am overwhelmed with grief over someone’s death, or frightened about illness. Anger will have me pounding up and down on it in a ‘cannon ball’ scrunch. Boing, boing, boing!!

There was a time in my life when the membrane was tissue thin and I’d plunge right through into helplessness, incompetence, wailing and flailing, and fear of my own emotions. (Run away! Run away! Monte Python reference: the Killer Bunny.) I was not confidant that I could cope—not because of the situation I was in, as dire and ugly as it might have been, but because of the emotional intensity. Yet fearing one’s own feelings (I can’t handle it!) is a formula for chronic anxiety. Imagine: feeling unable to cope with your own emotions! Wow, most of us can relate to this even if we don’t want to admit it.

Intense emotion is natural, supplied to us at birth, and part of the human experience. Emotion is simply information! Problematic is when we act upon intense emotion. You can rage, without hurting anyone. You can sob and weep, and ride that river of emotion until your tear ducts are dry, without dying. You can let yourself feel any number of emotions without becoming a ‘bad person’ or splitting into a thousand pieces—as long as you don’t act upon those emotions (“I could just kill her!”) or cross the line into being unable to differentiate between what is real and unreal (psychotic disorder, acute PTSD). After all, you are supplied with a great range of emotional intensity to facilitate having your life, and living it richly.

If you doubt the strength of the membrane on your personal trampoline, you will be anxious. (Will it hold??) As you do the work of tolerating and even exploring a wider range of emotion, you build emotional muscularity and slowly thicken the supportive membrane. Journal into your doubt, talk with a trusted friend or seek out a therapist to gain assistance with daunting emotional material. Don’t exist in fear of being overwhelmed or destroyed by your own emotions! They are actually here to serve you. Don’t be afraid: you can do it! Or rather--be afraid, and yet believe you can do it. Seek the level of help that works for you, and remember that nothing you experience is outside of the realm of being human. We are all in this together; let us support one another.

Elasticize Your Mind

11/9/2015

Close your eyes. Visualize yourself as flexible and fluid like Gumby or the Incredible Elastic Being. Anxiety tightens us up, typically causing us to feel frazzled and clinchy. This happens in our thoughts as much as in our musculature. Visualize that you are loosey-goosey, able to bend around corners and flow with whatever comes your way. A few moments of holding this image may inspire you to stretch and loosen up. Roll your shoulders, swing your hips, stretch and yawn. Shake yourself like a dog. Use the body-mind connection to loosen your thoughts and ease your emotional experience. Emotions may seem to rise up out of nowhere, which can feel so disconcerting. Yet there are always contributing factors, even if they are incrementally piling up or comet-tailing back to long ago. Apply conscious awareness to easing your anxiety by visualizing yourself as stretchy and fluid. Open your body and breathing to that sensation—and if it feels goofy, all the better! You may not be able to laugh at yourself (anxiety has never felt ‘funny’ to me) but if what you do makes you smile, you are experiencing a light moment. Added up, those moments can stretch us out of the ‘clinch’ of anxiety.

Restful Space

11/2/2015

Slowly read this to yourself, silently or out loud, until you ‘feel’ the room, and then close your eyes and rest...

“I enter a lovely, quiet, dimly lit room that is mine alone. An enticing fragrance lightly infuses the air, and music is softly playing. I see a bed, covered in linens of my favorite texture and color, awaiting me. Beside the bed, fresh water sparkles in a handsome glass and there’s a book of beautiful and funny pictures. I sink onto the bed and relax, safe in this warm and cozy space.”

How to Make Anxiety Doable

10/15/2015

Anxiety Soothers is for those who struggle with chronic anxiety, not simply healthy stress. Healthy anxiety or stress can be exquisitely uncomfortable (urr!) but that does not mean it is “bad”. Growing is good, right? And healthy stress is part of growth. Where would we be without the kind of anxiety that stretches us beyond our comfort zones? Think of the risks involved in speaking in public, traveling to a foreign country, learning how to swim, making a commitment, strapping on a pair of roller-blades, speaking up to your boss; basically doing anything beyond hiding under the bed!

This is life: There Will Be Anxiety. Fear not: it is Doable. And within bounds, it is healthy! Most likely the only humans who are immune to it are sociopaths, and who wants to hang around with them? (Thanks, but I’ll pass.)

I hope you don’t think that any of our Presidents, the Queen of England, Queen Sheba, the Homecoming Queen or anyone in any exalted position, is free of anxiety. They always want to appear cool, calm and at ease—but O, the moments behind the scene! The fevered thinking. (Is there spinach in my teeth? Did I just insult that Diplomat by offering the wrong hand? Is my zipper zipped? Was a camera filming me when I tripped? I’m so tired: am I using real sentences? What did I just say??) Please let go of hopes for immunity and comparisons to false gods. We are all in this together.

Chronic anxiety demands that we ask, what the heck is going on?? WHY am I continuously in this state of travail? It is exquisitely un-funny. The suffering is as real as physical pain, and brain studies—which have benefitted enormously in recent years from improvements in MRI technology—show that emotional suffering lights up the same parts of the brain as physical suffering. Imagine! You don’t have to imagine, do you? Because you feel the pain. So give yourself some credit: look at how strong and brave you are, that you have endured this suffering for so long! That takes stamina, it really does.

Perhaps you will step away from being drenched in anxiety by using the many tools in Anxiety Soothers, alone. Perhaps you will find that, additionally, it behooves you to find a good therapist and perhaps, additionally, you will want to add acupuncture, homeopathy and /or Western medicine. My basic philosophy is: Any port in a storm. Nothing (healthy) is out of bounds in the quest for a loving relationship within Self—and that’s the kind of relationship that enables us to weather the inevitable travails of life. Ask yourself, what would it take for me to have that loving relationship? Hold onto that question, open and willing to consider what arises within you in response, even if you are afraid and want to snap shut like a clamshell. This is you with you: the most important relationship in your life. May it be loving.

Anxiety’s Fraternal Twin, Depression

10/5/2015

Anxiety and Depression: I see them as two weary siblings holding hands as they walk a pitted road. When they show up together within us, their twin solemnity sucks all the air out of the room. They ache of need, but are preoccupied with their own wounds to the exclusion of all else. They want to be loved and to feel lovable, but it is so hard with these two. Each has experienced rejection and maybe domination; the words are written on the soles of their feet. Tender little feet, quite dirty, and who will wash them? Care is needed for these two.

Anxiety and Depression present quite differently from one another, yet share a core of travail. Anxiety cries out, “I’m afraid!” while Depression wails, “It’s hopeless!” Most likely, the Inner Critic calls one, “Wimp!” and the other, “Weak!” There is really only one tool in the Inner Critic’s tool-box, and that is shame. How horrible! Shame. Embarrassment. Ridicule. Humiliation. Who would not flee from this?

Unfortunately internal flight leads nowhere. A hall of mirrors, a maze that always arrives back at the start. No wonder so many addictions proliferate! They offer respite, even if only temporary and at a Price (sometimes very high). Yet let us agree that Anxiety and Depression together create a formidable duo. When they are visiting, medication and a good therapist may be needed. Our struggles can be dangerous and surely will be difficult. Keep going! O so many people have been visited by the Twins: you are not alone.

Over the clamor of the Inner Critic’s shaming voice, it is hard for the Twins to hear the gentler, far kinder voice of Truth. Help the Twins discern between the two so that they can develop awareness of a world beyond. After all, in any individual, Anxiety and Depression are only part of the picture. But they may eclipse the potential of other aspects to bloom. Dial down the voice of shame by identifying when your Inner Critic is pounding on you (“aha!”) Then do what you need to strengthen your relationship with your caring Self. There are a thousand paths for accomplishing this, and all you need is one.